You Can’t Pour Water From an Empty Cup

You Can’t Pour Water From an Empty Cup

Lies are easy, the truth is hard, and when lies become your mentality, your life can get torn apart. These lies I was living I didn’t even recognize; they were just inherent. They seemed to be the truth to “me.” It wasn’t until a close friend, my boyfriend, and many breakdowns/panic attacks that I STARTED to notice something was wrong.  

My journey of developing, living with, and committing to recovery of an eating disorder is multifaceted. Sooooo many rules that were all just LIES. Sparing you with a super long story, my eating disorder (ED as I refer to it), broke my body mentally and physically into shambles.

I was in college, a member of a sorority and on the lacrosse team, but I would avoid as many social interactions as I could just to be by myself in my room, eat on my own, or go to the gym. I spent countless hours at the gym, obsessing over the next meal, my next workout, or worrying how I could get out of something that would go against ED’s rules. I got into fights with my boyfriend over the smallest things that were out of my control because I was so irritable. It came to a point where nothing ever made me smile. I couldn’t focus, I couldn’t concentrate on school, I just wanted to sleep all the time, I was sad, I could only think about food or working out.  

Fast forward a few years, I tried to get help, but wasn’t ready. – side note, it takes time to find the right therapy and support.

Although I went to see a therapist and psychologist, it didn’t really help because I wasn’t ready. I didn’t buy in to what they were saying.

Another couple years passed and I found myself in the ER. I was always tired but that was nothing new, but my severe anemia sure was. The chronic lies ED was telling me practically killed me physically. After a quick hospital treatment, I was more convinced that something was wrong and was ready for help.

Finding specialists and building my support village, I started to truly buy in to battling the bitch that ED is. I made a lot of strides, but still ended up needing more help. Leaving my husband (yes boyfriend I used to fight with) I admitted myself into inpatient recovery treatment. This was the hardest thing I have ever done. Admitting I have a problem and personally seeking to treat it was scary. Here is where I really learned that all of my rules and “truths” were LIES. Straight up lies that ED would tell me to rule my life.  

Anyways, this started all from pressures. We know social/peer pressure are dangerous, but kind of ignore them. Just know, they can be deadly. The focus for the perfect body, to be the most liked, all the diet trends, they don’t matter. What truly trulymatters, is what makes you happy. I wasn’t happy, so obviously I don’t want to be like that for the rest of my life. Other people will come and go in your life, what they think doesn’t matter. What matters is what makes you happy. Don’t please others if it doesn’t make you smile. Don’t say yes if you won’t smile the whole time doing it. Life is way too short to do something that you aren’t going to enjoy.  

Take care of yourself first. My all-time favorite quote, “you can’t pour from an empty cup.” We can’t achieve our dreams until we nourish and flourish ourself primarily.

Renee Tanton

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